Please begin by answering this question: How do you feel right now?
One more question before we get down to business. If you were to take a random sampling of 100 people and ask, "How are you today?" can you guess the three most popular answers? Go ahead and make your guess and then scroll down and meet me for the answers.
The three most common responses are:
· "Fine."
· "Busy."
· "Overwhelmed."
Think about the last 10 times someone asked, "How are you?" How did you respond? Obviously, many times we are asked that question in a situation where we cannot go into a long-winded story truly relating our exact feelings of the moment. However these three common responses reveal something more.
"Fine," often becomes a blanket response because people don't know exactly how they feel. "Fine" isn't an emotion.
"Busy" and "Overwhelmed" aren't emotions either. They are levels of activity and responsibility, but not emotions or feelings. When we are busy or overwhelmed we might feel fatigued, anxious, worried, depressed, adrenaline-filled, etc.
Why does any of this matter? It matters because it all ties into self-awareness and self-connection, which are necessities for living a positive and centered life.
Here are three common dilemmas encountered often in psychotherapy:
1. I feel like there has to be "something more," but what is it?
2. I am not sure of what I want in life - how do I figure that out?
3. I don't know how I feel anymore.
These list items carry the common thread of lack of self-connection. When we are truly self-connected we are living "something more," we know where we are, what we want, where we want to go, and we are in the moment with how we feel.
There are many day-to-day distractions that act like a magnet pulling us away from self-connection. Learning to practice self-connection on a regular basis allows us to control the distractions and remain true to our values and mission versus having life's distractions bounce us around.
Considering Distractions:
This week, I'd like you to create a worksheet by taking a piece of paper and making two circles, one inside the other. Make the first circle as big as the paper, and then the second circle about half that size. On the line of the smaller circle, create five dots randomly on the line. On each of these dots write down an activity that centers you.
On the larger circle, create 10 dots, randomly along the circle border. On each of these dots, list 10 distractions that most commonly pull you from being centered. (You can add more or less dots as you like.) (Below is an image to guide you.)
Examples of centeredness-activities might include:
· Prayer
· Exercise
· Listening to a positive audio or reading a positive book
· Self-improvement courses
· Scripture study
· Lunch with a friend
· A massage
· A walk
· Time with family
· A hobby
· Church
Examples of distractions might include:
· Disorganization
· Telemarketing
· Negative people (list by name, listing each one as a distraction)
· Arguments
· Worry
· Pessimism
· Regret
· Anger
· Confrontation
· Television
· Computers
· Other technology
· Commitments you have outgrown (memberships, etc.)
· Children when they don't listen
· Siblings that argue
· Argumentative spouse or family member
· Debt and bill collectors
When you have completed your worksheet, make several photocopies.
Keep this worksheet in an easy-to-reference place. A quick visual glance of this worksheet each morning can help you see where you are likely to be distracted and what you need to do to stay centered.
Your Weekly Challenge:
For the next week evaluate this worksheet each evening by completing the following two exercises.
Connect the dots: Place your pen where you started your day. Did you start at one of your centered items? Or did you start with a distraction? Make a line to what you experienced next, until you have made lines to anything you experienced that day. How does your picture look? If you have zig-zaggy lines that continually move outside of your centered circle, don't beat yourself up, but use it as a "mirror" that shows why you are out of balance. Make your goal to improve the picture the next day. Excluding vacation, it is rare to stay completely in the centered circle, but we want to aim to stay primarily in the centered circle.
Count the hours: Next to each centered activity and distraction item write down an approximation of how many minutes you devoted to that activity. Then total up the amounts and write it on the bottom of the page. Your goal should be to spend at least 70% of the measured time in your centered zone. Note: it is not necessary to total 24 hours when you calculate time. This is not a time-tracking exercise. It is simply an activity to look at what brings you the most peace and what distracts you the most and then work toward expending more energy in the centered area.
Examining Distractions:
When trying to reduce our distractions it can be helpful to shine a spotlight on them. For each distraction you have listed, I encourage you to journal your answers to the following questions...
1. What exactly is the distraction?
2. What emotion do I feel when this happens?
3. What are some ways I can change my response to the distraction to minimize emotion?
4. What are ways that I can reduce my exposure to this distraction?
5. Can this distraction be eliminated all-together? If so, what steps would I need to take?
We must learn to eliminate our distractions, or balance them by staying centered. These journaling questions will help you to explore these options.
Keep in mind that what is on your "centered" list and your "distraction" list may change weekly, monthly or yearly. Keep updating your worksheet and use it as often as needed for a quick snapshot of where you are in your quest to stay balanced.
